Why do we love who we love?

With Valentine’s day coming around, c-harmony will be booming with your latest, new match. Maybe you can even find “the one”. Everyone knows of the most popular dating apps, such as Tinder or eharmony, but has anyone ever thought of how those dating apps work? This article will explain the psychology aspect of love and a some insight of how these dating apps work.

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Everyone has heard the saying “that opposite attracts”. Well according to psychologists this saying is not always true. People actually flourish when they have most in common, such as what they do in their free time, the things they are passionate about, the shows they prefer etc. This gives more room for bonding which all leads to a stronger relationship filled with love. Now this does not mean that a relationship is bad if you do not have everything in common, such as views on a person or life. But it does help if there is a common foundation. This is why best friends that fall in love almost always work because they were similar enough in terms of what they liked and how they see things enough to be best friends. According to psychologists, people that they seem themselves in. For instance, most of the people you are strongly attracted to inside and out have similar emotional and physical qualities to you.


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Besides similarity another major influence is proximity, meaning how often you see the other person. If they are in a lot of your classes or work at the same job, then you are more likely to have a relationship because you are always with them.

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Now in terms of physical attractiveness, it has been proven in a study that people are more attracted to people that have symmetrical faces.




This is a link to show how more symmetrical faces a majority of the time are considered more attractive to others.

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We all know that being attractive is not the only factor when finding your soul mate, but there is such a thing as the halo effect.


The halo effect is when we assume that if the person is beautiful then they must have other good qualities, such as a good personality.

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A famous Psychologist, Sternberg came up with a diagram that helps explain the “perfect love”. This principle is called Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. It states that the perfect combination consists of three parts, intimacy: the sharing of details and intimate thoughts and emotions, passion: the physical attraction, and commitment: standing by the peron long-term.

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You can tear this three part principle that create different categories. For example, if there is only passion which is the physical attraction then that creates a “one night stand” or “hookup”.


If you only have intimacy, the sharing of personal detail about a person’s past or life, then that creates just friends. Hate to say it, but if there is only a personal connection then you are doomed to be stuck in the “friend zone”.

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Lastly, if there is just commitment which is being with a person for a long amount of time then that is labeled as an “empty love”, meaning that there is a commitment there, but there is nothing worth holding on to. There is no physical attraction or personal connection.

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These are all of the reasons why popular dating sites, such as tinder use “matches” because they are literally matching your profile with someone of similar interest. If you match, there is a better percentage of the couple working out because they automatically feel safe with the person since they enjoy the same activities or tv shows with the person. Knowing that the most important parts of your life is similar to theirs, already creates a bond.

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So next time you go searching for your soul mate or even when you take the c-harmony quiz this Valentines Day, remember that your perfect match is waiting for you and that there is someone very similar to you out there. All you have to do is have intimacy, passion, and commitment, and then the rest is history.

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