It is no secret that America is divided. Everyone hates each other. Everyone screams when they do not get their way. Everyone is simply tired. But, are these symptoms unique to political divide?
The answer is no.
Tired, angry, and irritated?
Sounds like the country’s hangry.
To investigate this hypothesis, a crucial question was added to our school’s mock election form. We asked, “What is your favorite flavor of Pop Tart?” Voters had five options from which to choose: Strawberry, Blueberry, S’mores, Cherry, and Cinnamon. After intense data analysis, we have concluded that there is no clear favorite Poptart flavor amongst voters. The Strawberry garnered the most support with 39% of the votes but did not gain the majority needed for a definitive claim of superiority.
However, when we compared the data, we discovered a surprising trend. We graphed Pop Tarts flavor against political parties to determine whether or not there was any valid correlation. The results?
Every party prefers the Strawberry Pop Tart (see Figure 1). While the Strawberry flavor was most popular amongst those who did not identify with a particular party, it is consistently the most liked flavor among the three main demographics.
You may be wondering, what do Pop Tart flavors have to do with political unrest in the US? The short answer: everything. When dealing with a particularly rough case of the munchies, the best thing to do is stop and have a snack. And that’s exactly what our great nation’s politicians should be doing. It’s time for a snack break.
As a society, we recognize the fundamental importance of snack time for young children. Remember the good old days when you’d get a juice box and some Goldfish around 2 pm? In a critical failure, however, we move away from snack time as we age. In order to remedy the tension, we must bring snack time back to our most essential places of progress. The Pop Tart data we have collected will aid us in this pursuit. It is overwhelmingly clear that Strawberry Pop Tarts are the perfect snack to bridge the gap between political parties. Whenever tempers start to flare, everyone needs to just grab a Strawberry Pop Tart, sit down, and monch.
